a little bit stronger...

Hello all who care to read my interesting blogs. (sarcasm)


Well it's almost been a week since the dreadful day that I don't even want to speak of.  But last night, I had ALOT of fun with my best friend..we made this hilarious video to Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold"..well it's the chipmunks version. :) Anyways, I think everyone knows WHY I chose THAT song. It just fit really well.

I've gotten alot better in not thinking about it quite as much. Not saying I don't ever think about it because well, I do alot...just not like I used to. A very nice friend of mine is going through the same situation but bless her heart, it's so much worse, and she is being like my therapist and telling me that it does get better and I'm trying my best to believe her. I want to thank her SO MUCH for giving up her time to talk to me and be here for me. She doesn't know how much it means. So thanks girl :) But like Taylor says..."These things WILL change". .  I just got to realize pain is only for the night but joy comes in the morning... well not technically but you get my point.


I bet some people are reading this and thinking "oh God...will she get OVER it already"...well to those people... SCREW YOU... because obviously you have never given your all to someone and it been refused or looked over. You may be perfect and have the perfect relationship but I am not perfect and I do believe that I'm probably a bad luck charm with everything that seems to happen to me. But I'm going to hush with that because this was not meant to be a sappy sad blog.


I have had alot of advice from some friends and they help me realize the obvious. The things I don't really want to realize and believe...but thats there and that I need to believe and see. So it's waken me up to the truth and the ability to be able to hopefully finally let go of everything. Every so called "chance" in my head and just everything that I shouldn't be thinking about. So for me... that's pretty good right now. I tell myself after this week it will hopefully be easier because you know in your head you think how many days go by... and right now it just seems like it happened yesterday but after the week goes by, it will hopefully go by faster and I will get stronger.


The thing that is kinda funny is that I'm so ready to move on. I miss him everyday but it's hurting too much to sit here and miss someone that obviously doesn't give a damn about you. So it's time to get over it and find someone who is worth my time. I'm not really ready for a relationship right now of course.. but I think it's great when people can become friends first :)

I am going to the gym like crazy to work all my frustrations out and to be the happy/sexy me that I wanna be. haha. I'm just ready to start fresh with everything. So come on world.. make it happen for me :)

p.s- Happy Birthday Elvis.....love you<3 :)



muchlove,
-LeAnn

Here is a video that hits home: Sara Evans- " A little bit stronger" . 

I love when you find music that fits how you feel. 

Rise Against.

Warning: This post is way more negative than usual. So, again bare with me.
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I dont know how people do it... how they move on like it's nothing. I was just in a long distance relationship for not long at all but the feelings were SO REAL it felt like years, but things ending the way they did has me knowing that it's for the best but feeling like it's the worst. :(  I know I'm going to get over this because honestly I'm better than that. I deserve so much better. It seems though, like right now I tell myself that...and I go through the day and everything will be fine and then out of nowhere, a SONG comes on, I swear all I hear lately is break up songs or songs that remind me of him. Someone would say something and my mind would jump to the conversations we had... the "inside jokes" just the total connection that brought us together, and then that feeling you get where your heart drops to your stomach because of that? Yes, I get that every time. THAT is when you feel like the whole world is against you.

There are times that I don't think I could ever get over it. I care too deeply all the time and my feelings are so strong even when they don't NEED to be. Sometimes I just really wish that I didn't care the way I did alot of the time. That I could be hardhearted sometimes because then, people wouldn't walk all over me like it's nothing. I Just get so tired of the same things happening to me and wonder if life is ever going to change. I do know that in order for it to change a little, I NEED to move away. Start a new life. New beginning. Leave the past behind me and wake up to a new future. The thing that is totally keeping me back is a roommate. I need one desperately so, if you are a female and live in the Nashville area or want to live there and your not a total partier and druggie... please contact me :)


Anyways, I think it all comes down to making yourself look at the situation from a broaden point of view. If you look at it from the inside then yes, your going to wonder... why? why did this happen? is it me? am I the problem? and you'll keep analyzing every little detail and make yourself feel horrible when really you need to just look at it from the outside and you'll see why it happened...you'll begin to realize that it's not your fault. At least, I'm starting to do that myself. I beat myself up over everything thinking I'm the reason it happened, but I know now that I never did anything wrong in the relationship I always put my all out there and if thats not enough then it's good that it ended the way it did.


I'm so glad that I can turn to God in these times and know that he's there to give me peace. I don't know what I'd do without Him. He lets me know that I need to RISE AGAINST the pain and that I can make it and I WILL get over it one day. Hopefully sooner than later :/


Sorry for all the negativity. I'm hoping that will go away in time.

muchlove,
LeAnn

Dont Be Cruel

Hello world.

I decided to start blogging to let out my hurtfulness and to find peace. So if you even care to read this, bare with me.  See, I am a very tenderhearted and caring person who basically cares way too much alot of the time. No matter what it is I always end up hurt or heartbroken. I just recently have found that it doesn't matter how much you care about someone, if they honestly do not care in the same way then your feelings aren't even considered. They are just looked over. Because to them it's not what you feel or want, it's what they want and if they are going to be selfish and inconsiderate then honestly they deserve themselves.

I put so much of myself into a relationship, thinking oh "well this could be the one" or "what if i don't then he runs away?" and I'm tired of thinking too much. I want to be "worry-free" with a guy. I don't want to hafta deal with any drama or be scared to even say anything to upset him and he'll want to end it over any lil thing. I don't want to hafta "tip-toe" around a guy because I'm scared to lose him. You both SHOULD have that trust where your not scared to lose each other because you KNOW they will always be there. What happened to that confidence in knowing? I hate those feelings you have right after a breakup when it's like numbness and you just don't know what to do or who to turn to for support because honestly, you don't want to hear "I told you so" or " I knew he wasn't going to make you happy". Because you still care for the person who left you, you still want the best for them and I guess that lets you see how much of a good person I try to be.

I think this new year I'm going to try to be more selfish. Try to think of myself more and not worry about others all the time. I'm sorry if that sounds awful of me, but I have always thought about other people..how they feel, what they are thinking, what they want.. and never really asked myself those questions. "LeAnn, what do YOU want?" So this year I'm going to get my future straight and think about me for once... and if the right guy comes along while i'm doing that..then I guess we'll hafta see if he really is "Mr. Right". Because I'm seriously tired of finding "Mr. Wrong". I deserve better. A guy who's main goal is to not let me worry. To be there for me.

 A friend once gave me this quote and I think it's beautiful. It's by one of my favorite authors:


"A man out there is meant to be the love of your life, your best friend, your soul mate, the one you can tell your dreams to...He’ll stare at you during the movies, even though he paid $8 to see it. He’ll call to say goodnight or just cause he is missing you. He’ll look in your eyes & tell you, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world, & for the first time in your life, you’ll believe it." - Nicholas Sparks




THAT is what all girls want. Someone you can count on...who is your best friend and soulmate. 




Thanks for reading. 
 -LeAnn