Rise Against.

Warning: This post is way more negative than usual. So, again bare with me.
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I dont know how people do it... how they move on like it's nothing. I was just in a long distance relationship for not long at all but the feelings were SO REAL it felt like years, but things ending the way they did has me knowing that it's for the best but feeling like it's the worst. :(  I know I'm going to get over this because honestly I'm better than that. I deserve so much better. It seems though, like right now I tell myself that...and I go through the day and everything will be fine and then out of nowhere, a SONG comes on, I swear all I hear lately is break up songs or songs that remind me of him. Someone would say something and my mind would jump to the conversations we had... the "inside jokes" just the total connection that brought us together, and then that feeling you get where your heart drops to your stomach because of that? Yes, I get that every time. THAT is when you feel like the whole world is against you.

There are times that I don't think I could ever get over it. I care too deeply all the time and my feelings are so strong even when they don't NEED to be. Sometimes I just really wish that I didn't care the way I did alot of the time. That I could be hardhearted sometimes because then, people wouldn't walk all over me like it's nothing. I Just get so tired of the same things happening to me and wonder if life is ever going to change. I do know that in order for it to change a little, I NEED to move away. Start a new life. New beginning. Leave the past behind me and wake up to a new future. The thing that is totally keeping me back is a roommate. I need one desperately so, if you are a female and live in the Nashville area or want to live there and your not a total partier and druggie... please contact me :)


Anyways, I think it all comes down to making yourself look at the situation from a broaden point of view. If you look at it from the inside then yes, your going to wonder... why? why did this happen? is it me? am I the problem? and you'll keep analyzing every little detail and make yourself feel horrible when really you need to just look at it from the outside and you'll see why it happened...you'll begin to realize that it's not your fault. At least, I'm starting to do that myself. I beat myself up over everything thinking I'm the reason it happened, but I know now that I never did anything wrong in the relationship I always put my all out there and if thats not enough then it's good that it ended the way it did.


I'm so glad that I can turn to God in these times and know that he's there to give me peace. I don't know what I'd do without Him. He lets me know that I need to RISE AGAINST the pain and that I can make it and I WILL get over it one day. Hopefully sooner than later :/


Sorry for all the negativity. I'm hoping that will go away in time.

muchlove,
LeAnn